I recently listened to Crazy Rich Asian(audiobook). It was funny and entertaining, but except that the characters are asian as I am, I could hardly sympathize with them. I never experienced such rich; I don’t know how rich Chinese are like; and I never met a handsome asian boyfriend. But the book was definitely fun, and triggered me into reading books once again. I wanted to finish reading the trilogy, but the wait list on LAPL is too long, and I couldn’t afford keep buying books. So I looked through available books.

And I found “Turtles All The Way Down” by one of my favorite author, John Green. So I borrowed it, without knowing the story. I kinda thought it would be something like Paper Town, but it was more of The Fault in Our Stars.

I connected with Hazel and Augustus because of my past illness, the (slight) fear I experienced from it, and which led me to think about the purpose of my existence. Turtles All The Way Down is different. I still connected with Aza and Davis, not because I also had lost someone, but because of the agony I once had gone through during my adolescence. The feeling of loneliness that Davis felt, and the confusion of Aza about who she is and what defines her being herself. They all resonate with me. I was reading the book in the subway, and I almost cried.

The wanting to cry out from my loneliness, aloneness, wanting to find someone who could understand me, and not making effort to change myself to fit in or to be liked. All those desires and feelings were coming back to me. I suddenly wanted to shout that I am still lonely despite my stable and buy job, my living with parents, and having close friends.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but I think I’ll be able to finish it by tomorrow.

I love John Green’s sense of describing characters’ feelings!

영어로 글을 쓰는 건 이제 힘이 든다. 문법의 문제보다 vocabulary가 모자란 문제가 더 크다.

 

---

Just finished reading the book. I liked the fact that it was their first love. I liked that the problems of Aza and Davis weren’t completely resolved. I liked the fact that everything is in progress, just as our lives are.

모든 것의 근원을 찾으려는 노력이 turtles all the way down으로 귀결되는 결론은 다르다. 하지만 그 고뇌와 괴로움은 나이와 인종, 상황에 관계없이 모두 괴롭다. 단지 나에겐 그 끝에 대한 답이 있기 때문에 doesn’t last that long. 🙂